In an attempt to find a candle that didn't smell like craft store vomit, I landed upon this little gem: the Northern Lights Whiskey & Tobacco Candle. The candle burns for 35 hours, and has another trait that I really like: it's very subtle. I don't know about you, but I want my candle to be how I want the children in my life: seen without an overpowering smell. In fact, many reviewers claim this candle is too faint for their tastes.

This candle looks to satisfy both of my requirements for a good candle. One Amazon reviewer claims that "my girlfriend says it smells like liver failure and lung cancer, but that really means she loves it. I promise."

That is a ringing endorsement if I've ever heard one.